Friday, May 13, 2005


I think these past 2 weeks were the longest of my life. I closed on my first house, am living on my own, and broke up with boyfriend......all while working 60+ hours a week. I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I have looked like death all week with my long hair hanging in my face and no makeup.

Well, today, I decided I need to look like "me" again, and made an appointment to get my hair cut during lunch. I just got back and I feel a bit better. The lady chopped off like 5 inches in some spots! (and for those of you who know me, thats a big deal) My students have complimented me but I'm still not quite used to it yet.

Now that its been a few days since we broke up, I'm learning what triggers my frowns or my missing him. Besides the physical part (duh!), its definitely not having someone ask me about my day (besides my parents.) C and I would email one-liners all day long "How is your day going?", "how did that meeting go?", "ready for class tonight?", "what are you teaching today?", little things like that. Its really hard not knowing exactly whats going on in his life everyday. I used to talk about him all the time, even share an occasional story with my students. I still want share those stories but I can't say the "ex-********" word, hell, I can't even type it.

But, at least my guilt about working so much is gone....replaced now by the guilt of breaking his heart (and mine too.) But he knows he'll be okay, and I know that too. He is a great guy with a loving family and great friends (too bad they live ALL OVER the country!) My girlfriends are going to get me good and drunk tonight, but probably need to keep me away from my cell!!!

I have noticed something else, I seem to be blogging a hell of a lot more lately. Its therapeutic for both of us. And I think we both know that we check eachother's blogs so no matter what happens, we can still know how the other one is doing. I'm sure some things I WON'T want to know, but hey, thats life.

I just want to curl up on the couch and fall asleep with my dobermen, seeing that the mother of all storms hit last night and kept me up half the night. Wind, pouring rain, booming thunder, bright lightning, and even hail. Being a new homeowner, all I thought was "I think all my windows are closed, hopefully the grill cover doesn't fly away, and I should go get my American flag!"

Well, enough rambling, I'm being silly.


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