Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Another story:

Today in Health class we were talking about different types of families (i.e nuclear, single-parent, blended, extended, foster). They had to research it, then draw their own immediate families and label what type it falls under. Its good for them to see they aren't so different and it gives me a chance to see what's going on at their home, so yes I do have alterior motives.

This one blonde cheerleader comes up to me and says "How do I draw my family? I don't know how to label my family." So I sit down next to her on the floor and say "who do you live with?". She says "I'm adopted." I say "Then you are a nuclear family, you live with your mom and dad and your brother." She says "Well, they're my grandparents. My mom had me when she was really young, 17, and then she had my brother who has cerebral palsy and my dad left because he didn't want to deal with a handicapped kid. Then my mom got a boyfriend, got pregnant, I got a new baby sister, then he killed my sister when she was 4 months old. He went to jail for a few years, mom couldn't take care of us anymore so my grandparents adopted us." I ask "Do you still talk to your mom?" She says "I'm really mad at her right now, the ex-boyfriend who killed my sister just got out of prison and she's friends with him and that really hurts. So now my brother, who I take care of a lot, and my grandparents live together."

GOOD LORD, damn these parents are messing their kids up so badly. I have one kid who's cutting herself and another girl who has been through more than any 14 year old should. I know kids have a flair for the dramatics and much of what they say can be made up but, in general, it breaks my heart and pisses me off.

THIS is why I need to make sure I find the perfect man to marry and spend my life with. Everything has to be right, in my mind and heart, because I refuse to be one of these parents I see ruining my student's innocence and childhood.

13 Comments:

At 11:29 AM , Blogger Eddie said...

I don't totally agree. See, that's part of the problem, people think that everything in marriage "has to be perfect," and end up getting divorced when it isn't. I think one's attitude towards marriage determines whether or not they will get divorced. If you view marriage as permanent, and take your vows seriously, then you should be fine.

Oh well, keep in mind these kids don't represent most of the population. They are public school kids, and tend not to always come from the best of homes.

 
At 12:35 PM , Blogger Tori said...

no, I know marriage isn't perfect....and it take a lot of work...BUT, I'm saying before one gets married if there are lots of problems, that you need to really look at that.

 
At 2:24 PM , Blogger sandy said...

tori, if you wait for the perfect man, you will have to become a nun and marry Christ as they do.

Do like most women and find the best one you can, marry him then proceed to make him over to what you want:)

 
At 6:15 PM , Blogger Bonamipeca said...

There is no such thing as a "PERFECT" partner with which to spend the rest of your life. All you can hope for is to find someone whom you share alot in common with, someone you can have fun with and enjoy being around, and then the real work begins. A good marriage is a work in progress throughout it's entire life. It's not about making someone into what you want or desire, but more about give and take and learning to adapt. There is no such thing as a PERFECT marriage!!! But I can tell you, after almost 30 yrs. of wedded bliss to my beautiful wife that it has been the most rewarding thing in my life and has given me two beautiful children and 2 wonderful grandchildren.It ain't easy, but it's well worth the effort!!!

 
At 10:10 PM , Blogger beakerkin said...

Tori

Did you read todays New York Daily News. A poor young girl was starved and beaten to death. The teachers reported the bruises but the social workers found nothing wrong.

This type of story happens about once a year in the NYC area. I guess teachers are on the front line.

 
At 7:42 AM , Blogger stuffle said...

and learning to adapt

That is very, very important. I have seen a fair number if relationships fail because one or both partners are too self oriented and will not adapt to the other person...

 
At 8:07 AM , Blogger Tori said...

that is a very good point stuffle!

 
At 10:52 AM , Blogger Eddie said...

Stuffle,
What society use to consider as ordianary "differences" are now refered to as irreconcilable differences. I really think that you should have to prove to a court "cause" for getting divorced, as opposed to no fault. I think our laws get people off easy, and is one of the major reasons why we have societal problems. For example, most people who file for bankruptcy are divorced.

At any rate Tori, I sincerely hope you are blessed with a man that is as kind and caring as you are. You know, like me. J/K :)

 
At 11:09 AM , Blogger Tori said...

I guess I should clarify...I didn't mean THE PERFECT man.....I know there's no such thing, but rather "the perfect man for me".

Awww, Eddie, don't tease me like that :(

 
At 11:46 AM , Blogger fetching jen said...

Marry the guy that you are friends with and can laugh with. Romance is wonderful, but becomes more special over time because of busy lives - kids, work, mortgages...

You must laugh together. Everything will be fine then.

 
At 10:11 PM , Blogger Tori said...

I think that is great advice Fetching Jen!

 
At 11:19 AM , Blogger NewGnome said...

Having celebrated our 40th anniversary recently, whatever is said is carved in stone no matter how off-handed it may have been said. Consider carefully what and how you say everything. Laugh together and at yourself and with your spouse. The solidness of the marriage, makes children feel safe.

Remember the good frequently. Forget the slights quickly.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism in marriage, except if your giving yourself the advise.

I got a list of marriage suggestions from a friend and I found number 4 below to be insightful.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Then the most important of all, be sure you find a man as perfect as me............:)

 
At 11:03 PM , Blogger Tori said...

thanks for the advice!

 

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