I guess it's my turn.......

(more of a personal post to get my thoughts out and make sense if it all, so read on if you'd like)

.......to be the one getting "broken-up" with. The guy that I have been recently dating will be moving 2,000 miles away to pursue a Ph.D in higher education at USC for the next 4+ years. He will be going for free....damn he's smart! He found out on Friday but didn't tell me until last night b/c he didn't know how exactly to break the news. He said he thought a lot about us over the weekend but couldn't come up with a solid answer on what to do. Lots of long silences on the phone and frustrated sighs. He hasn't even told his mom yet b/c she's going to flip. I knew that he applied and this was a possiblity but we decided to cross that bridge when/if we get to it. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy and proud of him for getting into such a prestigous program, its just bittersweet, that's all.

The question of the hour is.......what do we do? He'll be moving in July, so what's the point in talking anymore? It's not fair to continue something that has a "deadline" and I'm not built for long distance. Neither one of us wanted to admit that we have to end it, even though we both know it's the best thing before any more feelings develop. It's not like we've been dating for that long at all, but it was progressing well and I was a "smitten kitten" ....I had forgotten what that felt like and its fun! He apologized and feels horrible for the bad timing in all of this. Maybe if we had met at a different time.....who knows.

What bothers me the most is that I'm not in control. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to control the outcome of a relationship. Every guy I have ever dated, we ended on my terms so there was a tiny bit of comfort in that (on my side anyways!) In this situation, we have not known each other long enough for me to be a factor, since he applied way before ever meeting me and I won't leave Chicago. And while I wish he would reevaluate his options in Chicago, I don't blame him for taking this opportunity!

Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess. People come in and out of our lives for different reasons. Why I met him out that night in December? (he was randomly standing next to be at a bar called Sluggers next to Wrigley Field. I elbowed him and said "can you tell which one is the birthday girl? She had her face down on the table. He laughed, we started talking, fought about the Bears and Packers, laughed and then he asked if he could walk me to my car. I was like "no, its okay, there are like 8 of us here." Then he said "no, I'd like to walk you to your car....no, its seriously fine, don't worry about it!. Finally he said, I WOULD LIKE TO WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.......oooooooh, I get it! So he walked with us and asked me for my phone number and the rest was history.) Maybe I met him to get me back in the dating game after a 2 year relationship and the 7 months afterwards which have been very painful. That there are other fish in the sea after my last loving boyfriend......(ones that even will pull out the chair for me at dinner and open car doors.) If nothing else, at least I have made a new friend....and one that I can visit in California!!!

I think we are going to go on one last great date, possibly on Valentine's Day....how morbid, eh? I know, I know. I am trying to bounce back in style......Friday night I am going to a Republican party with a "denim and diamonds" theme as the date of a politician, Saturday skiing all day up in Wisconsin, and Sunday a date with a guy from Racine, WI. Will all of this make me immediately forget this amazing guy I have to stay goodbye to? Probably not, but will it help, heck yes!