Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Jack Bauer is a God

> If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

> If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

> Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

> Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

> Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

> You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

> Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

> Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

> Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

> Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

> 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

> Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

> Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

> Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

> When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

> Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

> Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

> Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

> Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

> Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

> When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

> If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

> Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

> Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

> Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.

> In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

> In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

> When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

> It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

(note: I know this sounds like the Chuck Norris list circulating around but I still love it!)

I also stumbled upon this...check it out: JACK BAUER VS. JASON BOURNE


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