me time

Warning: This is not a political post, it is me, late at night, tired, and just typing, thats all.

Today I spoke to no one and did not leave my house. I can't tell if I enjoyed it or was a bit lonely. Well, if you count blogging and posting, then I have "talked" to people.

I slept in, made a sandwich, read my mail, watched my soap opera, cleaned a bit, and tended to my lawn, flowers and bushes. I made a positively wonderful dinner for myself, although it was enough for two. Its more fun cooking for someone else. I made chicken that was marinated in Italian dressing, then laid it out, put sharp white cheddar on the top, laid asparagus in the cheese and rolled it up and breaded it with crushed Cheez-its, then baked it. It was delightful and at least eating alone allows for leftovers.

As I watch my summer dwindle down, it saddens me. I've had a great summer, full of drinking, making my new house a home, and learning the fine art of cooking. But this summer was the first time in a long while where I have been single. I miss picnics, dates to the movies, and other things of the sort. I had such grand plans in my head when I moved into my new house. We were supposed to sleep late, make pancakes, go for long walks, and watch movies on my big couch.

This weekend is one of my favorite events in Chicago. Its called Venetian Night and I've been going to it since I was a little kid. Its in downtown Chicago, and all the beautiful boats decorate with props, costumes and lights and parade down the shoreline to music. Afterwards, the 500,000 people attending watch a spectacular fireworks display set to music. I remember being young and seeing all these couples cuddling on their plaid blankets and its cheesy, but I wanted to do that. These last two years I finally was in Chicago and had a loving boyfriend, but each year, something happened with him and he backed out each time. Maybe it was God trying to tell me something.....that the man I finally get to share my favorite night in Chicago with will be the person I am meant to be with. As for this year's Venetian Night, it is this Saturday. Will I go? Possibly. But I know it won't be with the man I love.

I feel a bit like Carrie Bradshaw from "Sex and the City". I am sitting here, late at night on my new laptop, trying to figure out my life, and using a public blog to do so. Even after seeing the series finale countless times, I still cried watching Mr. Big sweep Carrie into his arms in Paris and kissing her. After that I needed air so I sat outside on my front porch, going back and forth in my white rocking chair, watching the lightning before the storm (that never came.)

Now I'm still up watching "Meet Joe Black" with Brad Pitt. My sister and I watched this movie when it came out back in 1998 and had a laughing fit at one part (sis, you know the part.) But the main reason I watch this movie, besides him getting slaughtered by the truck at the beginning, and oogling Brad Pitt in a suit, is the ending. She dances with her father to the very song that I want to dance with my father at at my wedding. "What a Wonderful World", yes its been done countless times, but there's a reason for that. I watch that part and it just warms my heart and makes me smile. I was never one of those girls who planned out her wedding from the age of 5 on. But this is the one thing I do know and I suffer through the first 3 hours, just to see the last 5 minutes.

I've come to realize that its probably a good thing that my free time is coming to a drastic end. When I do have time, I think too much and end up whining on here at all hours of the night. But my favorite part of the movie is finally here so thats my cue.....