Monday, August 15, 2005

Why do we torture ourselves?

I broke up with my boyfriend in May, yet I check his blog every day. Why? We IM'ed tonight and I started crying....why? My friend asked me what would I do if I ran into him randomly....I said "I'd probably throw up." Why? I broke up with him, yet I haven't gotten rid of a single thing of his our anything that reminds me of us. I was unpacking a box that I havent gotten to since I moved and it had a couple t-shirts and swim trunks of his. I just held them in my hands and spaced out for a while.

He told me he doesn't read my blog b/c it makes him want to be with me. I believe him that he's stopped reading. Part of me wishes he would so he can know whats going on with my life, but why is that? But its probably for the best he doesn't.....he's a Democrat and would most likely think "thank god I'm done with this Bush-loving, Bin Laden loathing, Elephant-crazy Republican!"

We dated for basically 2 years and its probably good we broke up when we did b/c I have basically no good memories of us in my new house b/c we ended it right when I was moving in. I don't have to look in my kitchen and remember us making cheese and crackers, or walking into my bedroom and remembering......ummm, I'll leave it at that. He's moving into a new apartment so hopefully that will help him start fresh. Man, breaking up sucks.

He did give me a nice pep talk about my first day of school tomorrow. He's still so kind after everything we've been through. I just hope he's happy.

Have any of you ever done things like this? Do you still wonder how your ex's are? What they're doing? Is that normal? Do you want to see or talk to them, very well knowing its going to upset you?


At 12:35 AM , Blogger William said...

Im still really good friends with most of my exs and the ones Im not I still think about...I think it's normal. You just can't share some parts of yourself with another person and then think it's natural to just forget them. I'll never totally forget anyone I've really cared about and will always, to some degree, be vulnerable to them.

At 12:40 AM , Blogger holleritsme said...

Incase anyone missed it, I'm the ex. For the record, I don't see your politics when I look at you. I see all the wonderful ways you made my life better and made me a better person. I see how all the hard work you went through is paying off - I see how all those pep-talks were actually worth something. (and I'm pretty sure that V can agree I'm being sincere with all the above, because she knows me well enough)

No, I'm not happy to be starting over without you but what else can I do? You have to find someone who can make you happy in the long run. It seems thats not me then I just have to be thankful I learned so much from you. and me? I have to go get my law degree so I can afford a hot chick like you in a couple of years.

You are right, I'm not yet at a point where I can read about all your adventures and your life. Furthermore, I might wander in here one day where you are talking about your first date after me, or about the new boy that has you swooning. I'm not ready to read those things, and until I am, I doubt I can come visit much. Unless you keep comparing me unsuccessfuly to celebrities, which seems to be good for a laugh. (hint: jude law!).

You had / have your reasons for what you are doing, and I absolutely can't have any hard feelings about that. You gave me some of the best memories I have, and those will always be mine to cherish.

Oh, and kick some butt this year.

At 12:46 AM , Blogger mthomas1776 said...

I am still friends with all my ex-(s). Two called tonight to see how I liked the new place in DC. I think bonding with someone and sharing a deep connection is a permament thing, regardless of how silly we act from time to time.

At 2:44 AM , Blogger crossingguard69 said...

Yah, I still occasionally bone my x...i here you guys

At 11:43 AM , Blogger Tori said...

crossingguard69- you call your ex some of the worst things I have ever heard.

At 12:02 PM , Blogger Ranting Republican said...

I think it's okay to talk to your exs, but I think there has to be enough time and healing in between (obviously, this depends on the relationship and varies a great deal). If there hasn't been enough time, it is basically just prolonging the hurt and bringing you back to place you may have been days, weeks, or months before - then you have to start the process all over again.

Not a good idea right away. And "right away" is also a subjective term. If talking to an ex makes you cry, you probably shouldn't be talking to the ex yet.

At 8:45 PM , Blogger The Anti-Liberali said...

I agree with Ranting... not healing first before you talk leads to a long, hurtful, drawn out break up! Mine lasted 4 years with my Democratic Ex!


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