Passion Lives Here

I always get sad when watching the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics......they are taking down the Olympic flag right now. For the past 2 weeks I have filled my Tivo with all my favorite shows, which have taken a back seat to Torino. I love any excuse to cheer for the USA. As I'm watching this my family and I decided something......WILL ARE GOING TO VANCOUVER FOR THE 2010 WINTER GAMES. I want a ticket to the Opening Ceremonies and would like to see few events as well. Ideally it would be figure skating and USA hockey, but hells bells, I'll cheeron USA Curling, bobsleding, downhill skiing, anything that the USA is participating in.

There were so many great moments in these games I don't even know where to begin. Oh, I do, Chad Hedrick is not only a gold medalist for the USA, but the most beautiful man at the Games. Apollo Anton Ohno won the 500m, the gold medal winning snowboarded "The Flying Tomato", our silver medal in ice dancing, the list goes on. Sasha Cohen skating quite possibly the most beautiful programs I have ever seen (minus the 2 falls in the long program.) She gave me chills and made me want to grab my 3 size too small ice skates and find the closest rink.

I think more than anything I use the Olympics to mark milestones in my life. When I was only weeks old my mom lifted me out of my crib and brought me into their room so I could witness the "Miracle on Ice" as the USA hockey team beat Russia in the 1980 Lake Placid Games. I remember telling my parents after the 1988 games in Calgary that I wanted to be a figure skater like Katerina Witt.....sure enough I was practicing axels and toe loops in my living room for the Albertville and Lillehamer games in '92 and '94. It was so exciting having 2 winter games in 3 years! I like to gage how my life has improved/changed and look at the people who matter most to me and how much they actually change.

You know you've been in college too long when you see 3 Olympics go by! I remember watching the 1998 Nagano games in my dorm room and thinking to myself "I hope I don't drink myself to death and get kicked out of school before the Salt Lake games in 2002!" Luckily, I made it through and I can remember watching the Figure Skating long program with my boyfriend at the time at Buffalo Wild Wings in Athens, Ohio. We drank 32 oz glasses of Miller Lite and screamed and cheered for Michelle Kwan, Sarah Hughes and Sasha Cohen. I remember thinking as the the 2002 games came to an end "my god, where the hell will I be for the 2006 Torino games?"

And to be honest, if you would've told me I'd be watching the 2006 Olympics in my very own home and teaching and athletic training like I've always wanted to, I'd be pretty happy with that. What I wouldn't have guessed is that I'd be doing all of this alone. And here I am again, another Olympics gone by and I can't help but think to myself "where the hell will I be in 4 years for the 2010 games in Vancouver?"(hopefully physically there!!) I will be 30 years old. Will I still be living in this townhome? Will I still be teaching at the same school? Will I fall in love? Who is he? Where/when will I meet him? Will I be married? Will I have children? Obviously only time will tell and its amazing how time goes by in a flash. I'm sure before I know it will be time once again to raise the Olympic flag and I'll look back on this post and have a good laugh.

If my past Olympic memories have taught me anything, it's that my life has been moving forward in a positive direction. 1988, I wanted to figure skate, 4 years later I had a solo in the ice show and was on a national championship precision team. 2 years later, I was getting straight A's at one of Illinois' best high schools, 4 years later I was majoring in exactly what I wanted to at the college of my choice, 4 years later I was about to graduate with 2 bachelor degrees and a lifetime worth of fun college memories, and now 4 years later I'm all grown up, working my tail off and living life to the fullest. Am I doing it alone, yes, but I am an independant woman and until someone leaves me no choice but to marry them, I will continue to go it alone.

Most of my friends laugh at me when I tell them how much I love the Olympics and how I watch it for hours every day....but I don't care. It's about having a dream and going for it at all costs. While I'm not racing down a bobsled track at 80mph or doing 360's on a half pipe to win gold, I am reminded of my own hopes and dreams and that I should never give up on them....and neither should any of you who are actually still reading this. (note: I sound like Bob Costas in his Olympic farewell coverage!)

So be proud of our great American athletes, for we won 25 medals, only second to Germany...and now I can get back to my regularly scheduled programming!!!

Any Given Sunday

Thanks to one of my favorite blogs, One Marines View, for putting up this amazing poem on Superbowl Sunday. Kinda puts things in perspective.

For all the free people that still protest, you’re welcome, We protect you and you are protected by the best. Your voice is strong and loud, but who will fight for you? No one standing in your crowd.

We are your fathers, brothers, and sons, wearing the boots and carrying the guns. We are the ones that leave all we own, to make sure your future is carved in stone.

We are the ones who fight and die. We might not be able to save the world , well at least we try. We walked the paths to where we are at and we want no choice other than that.

So when you rally your group to complain, take a look in the back of your brain. In order for that flag you love to fly, wars must be fought and young men must die.

We came here to fight for the ones we hold dear, if that’s not respected we would rather stay here. So please stop yelling and put down your signs, and pray for those behind enemy lines.

When the conflict is over and all is well, be thankful that we chose to go through hell.

It’s an early Sunday morning. The anticipation builds along with excitement. Nerves twinge and fears and worries race through your head this morning. It’s the big event, the Super Bowl. I’m not talking the football game I’m talking about your next convoy.

But wait everyday is the Super Bowl here. That’s the mind set. You get your “gear” on, have a pre game (order & rehearsal) and you’re always practicing. Sure there are some big time pressures in a Super Bowl football game and I’m sure they seem grand with high stakes. A lot at stake, trophy, money, fame, victory but it’s still a game and not your life at stake. If it comes down to the last few seconds of the game and you begin to see teammates holding hands like they did in their college days on a knee as the kicker lines up to kick the winning field goal and the kicker misses, you aren’t going to have to begin first aid treatment for a sucking chest wound…….well usually you wont have to but the fans may wish otherwise. If they don’t get to the first down hash mark on third down during the fourth quarter, you’re not going to have to go to physical therapy for six months to learn how to use your prosthetic. But if you catch a glimpse of a Marine taking a knee, do us a favor and keep your pie hole shut and respect em while they do it.

Sure the coaches and players on Sunday will have plans and plays for their strategy. But will they be reading the surrounding citizens in the stands to see if they are pulling their kids off the streets because of an immanent attack? Will they see a piece of press trash blow towards them on the side lines and flinch because of a past IED experience? Will the game be interrupted by incoming mortars??……..not while were at work.

It may not be fair to compare the Super Bowl with combat action in Iraq and Afghanistan but if you want to talk about the “Big Show”, all the marbles, what you’ve been training for your entire life then, yes you can compare the two.You can compare the stresses, fear, anxieties, joy and sadness.

However, we are 10,000 miles from anyone who really likes us and do it everyday not just on one particular Sunday. No autographs, few positive interviews, no contracts for endorsements or rolling around in expensive cars or nice houses. But I do have a sweet cot they can borrow…….when I don’t need it and I’ll take my scratched armed to the teeth hummer over their new Mercedes here any day.

The game comes on around 0300 for us, not that it will be any different from any other day heck, Christmas wasn’t different why would the Super Bowl create a special day? We won’t see the two million dollar commercials as the government station that shows the game will only produce safety commercials and weather reports for the region instead. The standard day’s events will take place and we will have our own game to fight.

As you watch the game this Sunday, having a cold one with your cigar, chips and dip and family and friends, take a couple seconds and remember we are out here for you and proud to do it.
Some on their third tour, some here for a year, some just getting here. As you watch the game, know that that somewhere a young Marine is walking the streets of a foreign land, driving the armored hummer on their billionth convoy or standing a post to keep the wolf at bay while the game is on. When they play and sing the National Anthem, listen to the words carefully because we are making those words actions here taking care of business during our Super Bowl. The super stars on the field will play their game but regardless don’t believe the rumors, your Marines are human.

This Super Bowl Sunday the players will don their battle gear, conduct their press days, living with excitement and fame. Enjoy their moment to shine and they will do everything in their power conquer and seize the moment for when they will make a difference. Your Marines, well we will be doing the same thing here.

Semper Fidelis

Olympics ratings boost idea.........

I have an idea to help boost Olympic ratings..........make every athlete as gorgeous as Chad Hedrick. My god he's beautiful. And those quads, they could crush steel. I actually know his old roommate, who is pretty hot too. I'll tell you what, after looking at all these foreigners for the past 2 weeks....AMERICANS ARE SO MUCH BETTER LOOKING. God bless Texas and God Bless the United States of America.

A better pic

Ranting Republican was not happy with the picture I put up of my nephew Wrigley (meatball) so here's another one.

I left one pug out

This is my other nephew...his nickname is "Meatball". His lip looks funny, he's wrinkly and crinkles his ears :)

Gotta love pugs

My nephew...We call him "mini".

Torino Olympics 2006

I am NOT one of those millions of people who are choosing to watch "American Idol" instead of the Olympics. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS, always have, especially the Winter Games. I remember watching Katerina Witt and Kristy Yamaguchi skate for the gold as I jumped around my family room. 15 years later and I'm still doing the same thing, only practicing axels and toe loops in my own family room!

The Olympics have everything.....the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat and how could I not love listening to our national anthem over and over again?

My favorite events to watch are figure skating, speed skating, hockey, skiing, curling (yes curling), freestyle skiing, snowboarding, ski jumping, luge...wait, I'm listing every event! I'll seriously watch anything, I even wake up a few minutes earlier to watch the coverage on USA. It's usually the less popular sports but how could you not love curling, biathlons, and the skeleton? Curling looks like the ultimate bar game. Do I think it should be an Olympic sport, eh.

I'm disappointed in Lindsey Jacobellis. She was leaps and bounds ahead of her competitors in the snowboard cross finals and decided to "hot dog" it at the very end and fell and as a result lost the gold medal. Do I feel bad for her, not really. I feel bad for her parents who probably sacrificed a lot to get her here. And she let our country down. This was the first time snowboard cross has been an Olympic event and it would have been quite a coo to have both our men and women take the gold (USA's Seth Wescott won the men's cross.) I'm sure this will haunt her for years to come.

All and all its been a great first 7 days. I've gotten to oogle the sexy speed skater Chad Hedrick and watch them women's hockey fall short in their quest for gold against a weather Swedish team. I cannot wait till womens figure skating starts!!!!

Teacher Tori does NOT like limbo

Well I just had my observation meeting with the principal. He said I did a good job and I had good marks on my evalation. Then he says that "I've left him on the fence" as to what he's going to do about me next year. So yeah, basically NOTHING was answered and I'm still going to be in limbo for the next couple weeks. I have had 3 awesome evaluations by the Principal and the Director of Curriculum and Instruction, I don't know how they could possibly let me go. The principal's concerns centered around if I am strict enough in PE, but I was observed in Health b/c I'm not teaching PE this semester. He said he would talk to the lady who DID evaluate me in PE and look at that evaluation further. Thats a good thing but I have a very good relationship with that lady and her write-up was awesome! So, yeah my eye twitch will be around for another couple weeks and I've started to have pain and a little bit of tingling and numbness in my left arm. Is this school giving me a heart attack? Can a 26 year old have a heart attack?

God, I just need to find SOME stability in my life right now (besides parents). At least last year when I was going through this I had a loving boyfriend who was my rock and I felt like I could get through anything. I would call him terrified and he would tell me everything is going to be okay. Now, since he's gone and I had to end things with the new guy so I have to learn to rely on myself for strength. As soon as I know I will be here next year, I will be able to scrape my life back together and chill out. I thought that was going to be resolved today but I guess I've waited a long time to find out and I can suffer through another couple weeks.

Thanks to all of you out there that have been so supportive of me and taking the time to read these personal posts. I normally don't sit around and feel sorry for myself, but hopefully this rough patch is going to smooth out soon and I can get back to being "happy teacher tori!!!"

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, its my first Valentine's Day single in 5 years and I'm getting drunk. I covered our girls basketball regionals where I popped a girl's patella (kneecap) back into place, came home, made dinner and am polishing off a great Santa Margharita Pinot Grigio and watching Sex and the City episodes and The Birdcage is starting soon. I basically find out tomorrow if I am getting canned or not. I figured he wants to meet with me at the beginning of the day in the middle of the week so maybe I'm not getting canned. If I do I will go home sick immediately and pop the cork on some other various beverages I have in my possession.

In honor of this holiday that I normally love, here are my favorite Sex and the City quotes and some comments of mine afterwards. Oooo, I need to fill up again......damn it, bottle is empty now but I've added some Cheez-its to the mix to help prevent a hangover:

"Sometimes its hard walking in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun." (maybe this is my cue to stop wearing gym shoes every day)

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. (so basically if I don't love myself, how can I love anyone else? I think I'm pretty freaking cool....cute, smart, successful, love sports and a high sex drive, what's not to love??? haa haa)

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. (heck yes I am. No settling for me baby!)

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with. (I don't think I'm that wild, this is definitely more Ranting Republican's style)

After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. (I cannot tell you how important this is to me.)

Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone? (yeah, damn it, I'm single again and fabulous! Celebrate me!)

I mean, don't you ever really wanna' be pounded hard, you know, like when the bed is moving all around and it's all sweaty and your head is knocking up against the headboard and you feel like it might just blow off. Dammit', I just really wanna' be fucked, you know just really fucked! (ummmm, there's no need for commentary here, this quote says it all.)

How we are in bed is how we are in life. I've never met a man who was bad in bed but good at life. (wow, truer words were never spoken)

I've done the merry-go-round. I've been through the revolving doors. I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute. And don't you want to stand still with me? (I thought I found someone I could stand still with but he'll be standing 2,000 miles away at USC for the next several years.)

I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties. (haaaa haaaa, I do believe in the Republican party, but always end up dating Democrats!)

From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is. (I tried for weeks to find out what was wrong with this guy.....and could not find a damn thing....oh wait, he's too career oriented so he's moving!)

Later that night I got to thinking about the x-factor. In mathmatics, we learn that x stands for the unknown, a+b=x, but what's really unknown is what plus what equals friendship with an x. Is this an unsolvable equation? Or is it possible to transform a once passionate love into something that fits nice and easily onto the friendship shelf? I couldnt help but wonder... can you be friends with an x? (the age old question I have been pondering. It's worked with everyone I have ever dated except my last boyfriend. This new guy, who the hell knows.)

Maybe we just obsess over relationships that feel un-finished. (ain't that the truth)

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore. If it's bad, you just had sex with an ex. (my memories are tough enough to get out of my head, I can't handle any fresh ones!)

It's slim pickins out there, you can't swing a Fendi purse without knocking out five losers. (aka Wrigleyville bars)

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." (I see friends who continue to date guys in hopes that they'll feel the butterflies. I got news for you honey, if you don't feel them, you don't feel them.)

"When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past." (I think its our past relationships that make us who we are today)

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going." (USC boy, coulda, shoulda, woulda. He's all but gone, so I'm buckling up, moving on and will keep on going!)

Well, now that I've gotten way too sappy for my own liking, I'm going to throw myself in the shower and get the heck to bed. Happy Valentine's Day!

Jack Bauer is a God

> If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

> If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

> Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

> Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

> Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

> You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

> Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

> Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

> Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

> Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

> 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

> Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

> Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

> Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

> When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

> Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

> Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

> Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

> Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

> Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

> When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

> If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

> Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

> Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

> Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.

> In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

> In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

> When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

> It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

(note: I know this sounds like the Chuck Norris list circulating around but I still love it!)

I also stumbled upon this...check it out: JACK BAUER VS. JASON BOURNE

one hurdle down....

Well, I said goodbye....well my version of it anyways. We were supposed to meet at a "halfway" point at the Cheesecake Factory but he got a flat tire so I drove down to see him in the city. As soon as I got there, we plopped down on the couch I said straight out "this is kinda akward, don't you think?" And he said that he was a bit nervous and it felt like we were high school sweethearts moving away...which made me laugh. We said we've never ended something because we were happy!

So we just spent some time together talking and laughing and discussing how this is going to work. We decided that we cannot see each other for a while because it would be too hard but we'd check in from time to time. I said I was going to email him to find out how breaking the big news of his move to USC to his mom went and he wants to know the outcome of my job situation. So I guess we email once in a while? My friend asked me "do you think you'll ever see him ever again?" Honestly, not sure. I think we will, but it obviously won't be in the same capacity as its been the couple months. I'd like to think that we'll end up being friends but if you never start off being friends, how can you get back to it? Does anyone have the answer to that?

One ex-boyfriend and I were best friends since high school before we started dating....we dated for a little while 6 years ago, things didn't work out, but we were able to maintain our great friendship. Will it ever be the same, nope, but was it worth the shot to know, absolutely. My last boyfriend and I met at a club so we were never friends before. Its been like 9 months but its still too painful to be friends. He was my first real love and maybe someday we can be but I am nowhere near close to that. I still read his blog and will comment from time to time...its just nice to know what's going on in his life. (in case you can't tell, I have real issues with completely severing ties with people I care about.)

So I gave him his USC sweatshirt and a card and he really liked it. He kept saying "You really didn't have to do this." and I said "I know, but I did it because I wanted to and I wanted to give you your first piece of USC clothing." I think he was really touched. He walked me to my car, we said our goodbyes and I drove away, blowing him a kiss as I left for the last time. I did not cry in front of him at all but I did get teary eyed on the way back (which is not a good idea driving in downtown Chicago with cabs, CTA buses and thugs darting out in front of my car). Our last date was exactly what I needed it to be and I have the closure I so sorely needed. Sure it would've been better if he said "I changed my mind, I'm staying!" but that did not happen so c-ya!

I've noticed my blog has taken a turn from politics to more personal lately. I'm sorry if this bugs some readers but its a way for me to release some of my stress and to make my eye twitch a little less. When my life has stablized a tiny bit more (aka job situation), I will be back to writing about politics, I promise. But until then my heart is not into it so if you want to take a hiatus and come back in a few weeks, by all means, do it!

putting things in perspective

One month ago, I couldn't have been happier. My job was going well, I started working out, I had a little down time in athletic training and I met a really nice guy.....and then one by one, things started going downhill. First I got a 3rd observation (which isn't a good thing), then the Athletic Director is pissed at all of us trainers so we have a meeting coming up, and tomorrow I have to say goodbye to a great guy. One could say this is a bit of a rough patch. I've been a HUGE stressball until something else happened today that put it all in perspective.

My best friend at my high school (I'm the only non-family bridesmaid in her wedding) told me on Wednesday that her dad had to go into the hospital. He has diabetes so they figured it was something to do with that. On Friday they got some test results that possibly indicated some kind of blood cancer or lymphatic cancer....which is not good so he was transferred to a research hospital in downtown Chicago. I spoke with her around lunchtime today while chaperoning a ski trip in Wisconsin and she said he was doing alright. She planned on going to see him later in the afternoon and she would let me know his condition as soon as they got the test results back. One hour later her fiance called me and told me he had just died. She did not get a chance to see him today or to say goodbye. I believe he was around 50 years old.

It's funny, just when you think your life sucks, life throws you a curveball and your troubles seem so small. 4 days ago, her dad seemed just fine, and little did we know cancer was silently killing him. She and her family are completely devestated. He was supposed to walk her down the isle for her wedding in July. This just breaks my heart and I'm scrambling to figure out how I can help. Does she want to hear from her friends? Does she just want to be left alone with her fiance and family? We are taking care of her classes so she doesn't have to worry. I'll probably stop by her house tomorrow and simply be there if she needs me.

Suddenly, my last date tomorrow and my precarious job situation doesn't seem so awful. I called my parents (who are on a Valentine's Day weekend vacation) and told them I loved them. What you can take out of my friend's tragedy.......and in the spirit of Valentine's Day.......you can never say "I love you" enough to the people you care about. If you love someone, say it, shout it out to the world. I'm sure it's understood by our loved ones how we feel but you never know what is around the corner. I'm sure my friend would give anything to be able to tell her daddy that she loves him so much. I believe that god doesn't give me more than I can handle so I'll take one hurdle at a time and do my very best to stay positive and appreciate all the good I have in my life.

silly silly kids

Some weird things my students have said/written today while talking about food, nutrition and the digestive system:

"Is the tartar on your teeth the same thing that tartar sauce is made up of?"

"You said that rinsing with water is better than nothing after a meal, can I rinse with Coke instead, I don't drink water."

"Do the fallopian tubes carry your urine from your bladder to the toilet?"

"When people die, can the abominable fluid leak out?" (I think she meant embalming)

-Bad spellings:

VEGETABLE= vedjdiboles
LOSE= looze
ANY= eney
HEALTH= helth
PHASES= fazes
FRUIT= froot

Dear god, what's with kids these days?

I guess it's my turn.......

(more of a personal post to get my thoughts out and make sense if it all, so read on if you'd like)

.......to be the one getting "broken-up" with. The guy that I have been recently dating will be moving 2,000 miles away to pursue a Ph.D in higher education at USC for the next 4+ years. He will be going for free....damn he's smart! He found out on Friday but didn't tell me until last night b/c he didn't know how exactly to break the news. He said he thought a lot about us over the weekend but couldn't come up with a solid answer on what to do. Lots of long silences on the phone and frustrated sighs. He hasn't even told his mom yet b/c she's going to flip. I knew that he applied and this was a possiblity but we decided to cross that bridge when/if we get to it. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy and proud of him for getting into such a prestigous program, its just bittersweet, that's all.

The question of the hour is.......what do we do? He'll be moving in July, so what's the point in talking anymore? It's not fair to continue something that has a "deadline" and I'm not built for long distance. Neither one of us wanted to admit that we have to end it, even though we both know it's the best thing before any more feelings develop. It's not like we've been dating for that long at all, but it was progressing well and I was a "smitten kitten" ....I had forgotten what that felt like and its fun! He apologized and feels horrible for the bad timing in all of this. Maybe if we had met at a different time.....who knows.

What bothers me the most is that I'm not in control. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to control the outcome of a relationship. Every guy I have ever dated, we ended on my terms so there was a tiny bit of comfort in that (on my side anyways!) In this situation, we have not known each other long enough for me to be a factor, since he applied way before ever meeting me and I won't leave Chicago. And while I wish he would reevaluate his options in Chicago, I don't blame him for taking this opportunity!

Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess. People come in and out of our lives for different reasons. Why I met him out that night in December? (he was randomly standing next to be at a bar called Sluggers next to Wrigley Field. I elbowed him and said "can you tell which one is the birthday girl? She had her face down on the table. He laughed, we started talking, fought about the Bears and Packers, laughed and then he asked if he could walk me to my car. I was like "no, its okay, there are like 8 of us here." Then he said "no, I'd like to walk you to your car....no, its seriously fine, don't worry about it!. Finally he said, I WOULD LIKE TO WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.......oooooooh, I get it! So he walked with us and asked me for my phone number and the rest was history.) Maybe I met him to get me back in the dating game after a 2 year relationship and the 7 months afterwards which have been very painful. That there are other fish in the sea after my last loving boyfriend......(ones that even will pull out the chair for me at dinner and open car doors.) If nothing else, at least I have made a new friend....and one that I can visit in California!!!

I think we are going to go on one last great date, possibly on Valentine's Day....how morbid, eh? I know, I know. I am trying to bounce back in style......Friday night I am going to a Republican party with a "denim and diamonds" theme as the date of a politician, Saturday skiing all day up in Wisconsin, and Sunday a date with a guy from Racine, WI. Will all of this make me immediately forget this amazing guy I have to stay goodbye to? Probably not, but will it help, heck yes!

yes yes yes yes yes

I just won $25 bucks in one pool and $75 in another for my 7 and 3 squares for the second quarter score!!!!!! I hope it stays this for the rest of the game......I could use more $$$. Money aside, I'm pulling for the Steelers!

people who should die

Narcs nab drug-smuggling puppies
DEA: Dogs' bellies were cut open, heroin was placed inside

Friday, February 3, 2006 (CNN) -- A two-year investigation into a Colombian heroin ring netted more than 65 pounds of drugs, resulted in the arrests of more than 20 people and saved the lives of some drug-smuggling Labrador retrievers, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration said Wednesday.

Ten wayward pups were found during a raid on a Colombian farm in 2005, and six of them were carrying more than 3 kilograms (6.6 pounds) of liquid heroin in their stomachs, said DEA spokesman Rusty Payne.

Puppy smuggling is another take on the human "mule," or "swallower" in DEA parlance -- someone who ingests packets of drugs and transport them in their stomachs.
In the case of the puppies found during the 2005 raid, the dogs' bellies had been cut open, and heroin packets were stitched into their stomachs, Payne said. The pups, mostly purebred Labrador retrievers, were sewn back up and prepared for shipment to the United States, he added.
"The organization's outrageous and heinous smuggling method of implanting heroin inside puppies is a true indication of the extent that drug dealers go to make their profit," said Special Agent in Charge John Gilbride in a written statement.

Though the 10 dogs were rescued before being shipped, it wasn't enough to save all of their lives.

"Three of the six died of infection when the drugs were removed," Payne said, adding that four other puppies "were going to be used and obviously were saved."

Silly Putty

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On a positive note......

All this stress from my impending 3rd observation for teaching (if I suck, I get fired)......has caused me to virtually stop eating, toss and turn and be just downright grumpy for the past week. There have been a couple bright spots but overall all this madness has caused me to lose 10 pounds in the past week!!!! My pants are almost falling off, woo hoo! Time for parent open house.....